"Eggs"citing Finish!

The golfer with the last name Woods and the wooden personality did not win the Masters. Relatively unknown thirty-one year old Zach Johnson pulled away from Woods and the rest of the pack with three birdies in a crucial four-hole stretch along the back nine of Augusta National, closing with a 69 for a two-shot victory and only the second of his career.

Spread Them Wide

The Royal & Ancient Golf Club that runs the British Open announced that cellular phones will not be allowed at the 2007 British Open in response to several complaints from players including jackasses Tiger Woods and Colin Montgomerie.

All fans entering Carnoustie Golf Club in Scotland for July's tournament will be searched, Royal & Ancient said in an e-mail Monday.